The Stamatina Project

Kind commenter Jack corrected me on the singles hotline number from last week’s episode so I will now reward you with this:

I love Tina’s fake laugh along with her shifty eyes and horrible attire.

It figures that lamewad with a Family Guy avatar would choose Palin over Fey. Go back to watching your dumb cartoon that showcases unfunny tangents which pander to the basest lowbrow humor that satiates middle America.

I’m not a big fan of Family Guy.

Hello, dummy

Well, look who decided to finally show up. Dennis the Beeper King made a triumphant return to 30 Rock last night and with his return came the doubled-over-belly-clutchin’ laughter I’ve missed all season. I suddenly remembered why I loved the show so much in the first place. Let’s try to recount the highlights:

- PUPPETS
- Bijoux at 1-800-OKFACE
- “Hello, dummy”
- Kenneth being worth $7 in Jack’s eyes
- “Shut your white mouth and get me that cable.”
- “Is this horseville cuz I’m surrounded by naysayers!”

There was another catchphrase, “Lizzing”. I don’t approve of these catchphrases. Everyone seems to like them a lot and I admit to using “blerg” and “I want to go to there” more than I should have but it’s time to let them go. Last week it was “This tennis racket is fart!” and “What in the what?” and I swear, if I hear some office lady running around saying that something is “fart” I will pop a blood vessel. It’s like when Gretchen in Mean Girls tried to make “fetch” happen. A couple of times is enough but it seems like they’re almost overdoing it. Rein it in, Lemon.

*Just kidding. People still suck.

Because they bid $14,000 to win a walk-on role on Tina and Steve Carell’s new movie, Date Night. Once the bidding went past $13,995, I took myself out of the running. We’re in a recession, people, let’s be reasonable here.

If I could meet Tina though, I would have some strong words for her. I would like to address the recent HO HUM that is 30 Rock. Saying that this season is lacking would be kind. I know, I never thought I’d be saying this! But seriously, if the show keeps on this path then I don’t see it lasting more than 2 more seasons, if that. Whatever happened to the great laughs from seasons 1 and 2? Whatever happened to “The Girlie Show”?! It’s like they don’t even pretend to write for a fake sketch comedy show anymore. They’re just loafing around the office, getting into predictable and unfunny hijinks.

I’d also ask Tina about last week’s episode which, in my humble opinion, was the worst episode in the show’s history. What’s up with the Baby Mama 2 storyline? That was cheap and lazy. And the girl they cast to play the pregnant teenager looked well into her 20s and she was a bad Juno knockoff. The episode was so lousy that I actually got up and did stuff around the house. I think I sorted my mail. Previously, if anyone dared walk in front of the TV or so much as uttered a syllable during my viewing of 30 Rock, they would have met a very, very ugly fate. Nowadays the show cannot hold my attention, never mind summon a chuckle.

So yeah, Tina, this is what I’d tell you. The truth hurts and it’s harsh but you need to hear it. Cut the crap with the guest stars! Get back to The Girlie Show! More Dr. Spaceman and Dennis the Beeper King and Pete and Rachel Dratch! You got your Emmys so now’s the time to remind everyone how you earned them to begin with.

www.looktothestars.org - Walk-On Role In New Steve Carell Film Nets $14,000 For Charity

I haven’t watched the entire interview yet but LateNightWithJimmyFallon.com has posted this snippet:

Jimmy Fallon is terrible, as expected. Not that I’m biased or anything but Tina kind of carried the interview. What happens when he’ll get a guest that’s not as amicable and chatty? I guess I won’t know because I won’t be watching.

You can watch the entire episode on Hulu or you can fast forward where Tina comes out just shy of 11 minutes into the show.

I like how Tina is still trying to rock the whole self-deprecation schtick. Sorry lady, when you’re looking like that AFTER having a child, you can’t do the “I’m a gross Mom” spiel anymore! Alice sounds hilarious. I’m telling you, they need a babysitter and I can’t think of anyone more qualified than myself. I’ve never watched over any kids before but all you need to do is line the floor with some newspaper and turn on the TV to Sesame Street, right?

Also, Fallon totally stole my idea for a Tina Fey Hair Timeline post. I’ve been meaning to do it but I keep getting sidetracked and I haven’t had the chance to put the post together. Damn you, you little twitchy twitchmeister.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
Hulu.com

Over on Asylum.com, this “men’s lifestyle site,” the knuckle-draggers have voted Megan Fox as the #1 female celebrity they’d like to party with. Tina came in second behind Megan Fox. Megan EFFING Fox.

In other late breaking news, I have lost faith in all men. Stay tuned for the tomorrow’s forecast - cloudy with a chance of QUEL SUPRISE, MEN STILL LOVE T&A!

Perhaps I’m being a little dramatic. Tina still came in second with 31% of votes to Megan’s 40%. But what’s a party without laughter?! Surely Tina would keep mixed company in stitches and Megan would… leave orange spray tan smears on your light colored furniture? I kid, I kid. I’m confident that not all of the voters on that site are regular 30 Rock viewers because if they were, they would have remembered Tina’s awesome dance moves which could inject any party with vim and vigor. Witness:

Tina gives Beyonce a run for her money with that butt dance, which by the way, I have yet to master.

Having a formal affair? Tina can cut a rug in a cocktail dress and heels.

And let’s not forget Crazy Bra Lady:

Megan who???

I was also going to post an animated gif of Liz Lemon dancing for her flu shot but apparently that gif is too large (ie. too awesome) for this site to handle. Who sits around and saves 30 Rock animated gifs??? This MOI. I challenge any of you silly Megan Fox fans out there to an animated gif post-off. Be prepared for shame and defeat!

People - Megan Fox, Tina Fey Voted Favorite Party Girls

No, not like that. Gross. Tina will be on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon tonight. I am going to record this because I’m old and grumpy and I cannot stay up that late anymore. I’ll post a video of this tomorrow.

And for no good reason:

This old photo of Tina on MTV’s TRL makes me laugh.